At the back end of 2025 I noticed that a number of people in my wider network were really making something of their birthdays, posting pictures and messages on social media. Theres nothing wrong with that but it is not something that I do. Nor do most of the people in my close network.
Then I spotted an article by an American psychologist who noted that as many people do not celebrate birthdays as visibly as do those who post those pictures. In fact, many seem to treat the birthday as just another day.
And it appears there is a psychological explanation.
One factor appears to be internal validation. Those that do celebrate birthdays, tend to have a stronger sense of self-worth. They do not need that external validation that comes with announcing that it is your birthday.
That interests us because in the 4Cs mental toughness concept, the Life Control factor is where the sense of self-worth sits. Here is the potential for an interesting case study.
Social selectivity may be another factor. “If am going to engage with others I will do it with people I want to be with and for that reason and not because of a ritual need (sometime reciprocating participating in someone else’s celebrations)”. It is psychologically healthy to approach social activity in this way.
Think about the phenomenon of hen and stag weekends that require participants to spend a small fortune to celebrate a colleague’s impending marriage. How many would prefer not to participate?
That interest us too. It is as much about our purpose (Goal Orientation in the 4Cs concept) as our self-worth.
Another factor lies in how we perceive growth. For many every day is the same as any other day. We learn all the time. A birthday might be an opportunity for reflection and insight rather than a reason for a celebration.
Other factors include being too busy, celebrating birthdays were not part of your experience and shyness.
As the 4Cs mental toughness concept reminds us constantly, we are all different in our approach to life and each can choose their own path. Birthdays can be a visible bit of life that some will celebrate with razzmatazz. Other will simply take it in their stride.
The challenge is to be comfortable with what you do and be accepting that others will see things differently. That self-awareness is why the mental toughness concept is so important.
The last word goes to another psychologist friend who pointed out that perhaps your birthday is not actually your day. It is an annual celebration of an event that really belongs to your mother at least as much as it belongs to you. You actually did not do that much on that first occasion.
Celebrate that …. if your mother wants to.
